Birth Stories

Nicolas (Nico) Erich Wenis' Birth Story

9/6/03 6:58am 3lbs 10oz 16 1/2 inches, 36 weeks

After much ado, and some last minute decisions, Michelle went into induced labor Friday night, and after 12 hours we welcomed our son, Nicolas Erich Wenis into the world at 6:54am 9/6.

Thanks to the training, the Bradley Method® classes, and the advice of all the parents we know we were able to go through the entire process naturally with no drugs (other than those for the jumpstart), forceps, or other assorted pharmeceuticals, tools, or surguries.

He is 4 weeks early, and while small is not quite preemie size at 16 1/2 inches and 3lbs 10oz.

He is going to be in prenatal care for about 3 weeks until he beefs up, then we should be able to bring him home, when I'll begin some paternity leave.

Additional Comments from Michelle:

I have to say that doing this drug free was not the original intention. In fact, we were a bit surprised and confused when we first walked into our Bradley preparation class. After all, we signed up because a co-worker of mine did. Frankly, I thought all women were supposed to get epidurals and be done with it. In any case, I like how Dr. Bradley found the husband (partner, etc...) to be of such great value in the process. Birthing wasn't just "women's work" or the doctor's responsibility, he brought fathers into the delivery room. It was comforting to know while in labor, even with the surprise induction to start it all, that my midwife, the back up ob and the nurses were there in the sidelines. I couldn't have made it through all those contractions without Erich. We were doing this preparation together for a long time and we were ready, despite the change of plans. He brought his expertees into the mix. He was expert at knowing me and how to keep me going. He and I both had the tools. We made this baby together and we brought him out together too. That truly is like reaching the highest summits.

Cole Sebastian Wenis' Birth Story

7/1/5 7:01am 5lbs 12oz 20 inches 36 weeks

Mommy felt something going on in her tummy at around 3:45a on June
30th, 2006. She had been entertaining the thought for weeks that
Nico might induce her from his continued occasional nursing. Now at
37 weeks, if her body and baby were ready, there wouldn't be
anything to worry about… except of course the birthing tub still
needed to be set up, the heating pads to warm baby's receiving
blankets were still at Mom Wenis' being washed, the flashlight was
on the blink… minor details, right?

She walked around the house and tried to stay mildly active,
remembering there was no need to wake Daddy up, though she had a
feeling this might be the beginnings of something, though her due
date was three weeks away.

Why not? Earlier in the evening, she was blessed by her girlfriends
and both her Moms at a beautiful Blessing Way ceremony so
thoughtfully thrown in honor of her beautiful journey with child.
Mommy felt like a pregnant goddess after all the pampering from
these amazing women. The candlelit ambiance, the flower petal and
lavender foot soak and massage, the beautiful wreath of raffia and
flowers in her hair, the food, teas and wine…

There was a ceremonial necklace beading which began and ended in a
collective joining of powerful and meaningful beads provided by each
friend in attendance. Some beads were symbolic of the strength and
energy of children and old friends, etc… They were joined together
to form a beautiful and symbolic necklace that reached right over
Mommy's belly button when worn. Mommy could draw strength from the
energy shared through these special beads during labor and, who
knows, with the positive power of three other pregnant Mamas present
and the little ones within their bellies offering some magical
biofeedback in the air… Perhaps the energy that lifted everyone's
spirits through the night would truly carry Mommy and baby to the
place they needed to visit together first, before meeting face to
face.

Why not tonight, indeed? And, didn't Mommy not so secretly wish for
an astrological Cancer baby? And, this early morning, July 1st
was Mommy's birthday after all. Wouldn't it all just fall so
perfectly if this something was truly IT? She tried to keep her
adrenaline at bay. Why get excited so early, expend all that
energy, in case it wasn't…

Well, as Mommy's thoughts wandered with her throughout the little
house, a sure as sure contraction came upon her. She then woke
Daddy up, at 4:15am and said, while this could be pre-labor, that
clearly was a contraction and, surprisingly, it was a real kicker.
She asked if Daddy could prepare some yogurt, almonds and whatever
fruit he could find, for the "just in case" journey ahead. Rubbing
the sleep from his eyes Daddy sweetly obliged. She said he might as
well put some of the midwives' Labor Aid recipe together too.
(That was some powerful stuff, by the way, which Mommy guzzled
throughout labor for energy).

Mommy called friend and photographer-designated, Shane, to give her
a heads up at about 5am. Could she pick up a new hose for the
birthing tub and some heating pads? Mommy had been trying to reach
Oma repeatedly but was afraid Oma wasn't going to make it in time to
bring those to the birth. Feeling silly, but wanting and needing to
reach out to someone, she and Shane talked about what might be
happening and agreed to talk again soon. They both entertained the
possibility that, if this was labor, Mommy probably had a long way
to go… Although… somewhere deep down, Mommy didn't think so and kept
that to herself.

The contractions had started out 9 – 10 minutes apart but were
already lasting about a minute and a half long. Strange length of
contractions for pre-labor… but, she thought why not just pace
herself, practice different laboring positions for kicks. She was
surprised when, while in a semi-reclining position on the couch, a
contraction came that really wasn't so very shy. Another time she
was on her hands and knees over the couch and, again, was surprised
by the intensity of another contraction. Still… though Mommy was
no novice at childbirth… she wasn't going to get too excited that
this might really be it.

Still feeling silly, Mommy called Saras, the head midwife at the
Birth and Beyond practice, to give her a heads up. She wondered at
how she had to pause and breathe a little differently while talking
with Saras. Involuntarily, Mommy started making sighing noises to
get through the call. To play it safe, Saras, who was in Boston,
suggested Mommy contact the midwives on call, Trish and Vicky, who
were respectively about an hour and a half and an hour away.

Mommy still couldn't reach Oma and her heart ached for her. Oma had
been Mommy's comrade on all but one of the hour and a half visits to
Madison, CT to see the midwives for her prenatal care. They shared
such bonding moments with 2 ½ year old Nico and baby in tow.

Oma had been a great source of support, especially when Mommy didn't
think she could physically make it to her appointments through
teaching so many yoga classes and running around socializing with
Nico and his friends, Suzuki classes and Waldorf playgroup…
Sometimes Oma would help with the drive home. Mommy knew, Oma
wasn't going to make it. This was moving entirely too fast. In the
back of her mind, Mommy was pretty sure the midwives weren't going
to make it either. It was time to focus.

Mommy and Daddy continued to time contractions which really were
starting to get Mommy winded. But what was going on with them… now
7 and then 6 and then 5 minutes apart but lasting about 45 or 30
seconds long? Shortly after that Mommy got in bed and started to
get the shakes and voice how she was having such a hard time so
early… she hoped she could make it through, but wasn't sure. In
retrospect, Mommy was already in transition stage at this point, as
that's when contractions can become pretty sporadic and when Mommies
tend to doubt what they can and can't handle in labor.

A few contractions really got the best of Mommy, as she tensed up
and couldn't let go, and just had to ride through the additional
pain from that. She knew in her mind that she could have avoided
the additional and unnecessary amount of pain brought on by that
tension, if she could only relax. Daddy encouraged and reminded her
to soften the muscles in her body.

Mommy had to get more comfortable. She really wished the birthing
tub was ready for her to sit in but there wasn't going to be enough
time and Shane had not arrived with the hose. Daddy was on the
phone with the midwives and was very busily trying to keep up with
Mommy's changing labor stages, while in step with the midwives'
initial phone instructions.

Mommy knew Daddy was doing everything he could and would tell him
even before a contraction ended to go, do what he had to do, but, to
listen for Mommy calling him when the next contraction came. He
couldn't possibly miss her calls as she would scream, "Erich!!!
Erich!! Erich!!! Erich!!! Erich!!!!!"

She stopped off for a rest on the toilet. Daddy continued to run
around the house, this time getting the crock pot set up with
washcloths for hot compresses and then running back to support Mommy
whose body was really working hard. She was pretty sure things were
opening up down there and that someone was coming down quickly. She
felt like a flower blooming powerfully and, it would take her breath
away, at times, so she worked hard to relax her mind, her muscles…
it was not easy but she knew, together with Daddy, she'd get through
it.

Mommy had been so loud! She wondered how Nanay, who spent the
night, could be missing all of this while asleep in Nico's room.
However, she didn't complain about Nanay's being asleep, as Mommy
and Daddy were doing just fine, focusing on each other and what was
happening.

Mommy made her way into the shower, where standing wasn't
comfortable after a quick while, no matter how much she tried to
dance with the baby. She then made it onto her hands and knees on
the shower floor. The water felt good. She danced and sang to the
baby in between what felt like her body pushing and baby moving, all
on their own. She felt connected and in tune with Baby in this way
and beautiful.

Mommy thought of how Daddy's neck and back must be ripping apart as
she held on to him and hung onto him during what felt like her body
pushing baby down - down - down… He said, "Relax your back, you're
tensing up your back… just hang on, just let go…" Mom would then
say, "Your back, Erich, your back! I'm destroying your back!"
Mommy would plead as she hung her hands and whole body from his
neck, squatting close to or kneeling on the tub floor. "Never mind
MY back," he encouraged, "I'm seeing the chiropractor this week,
just let it go!! Just like that! That's the way!" Mommy loved
Daddy so much in those intense moments and continued to dance with
and sang to baby and kissed Daddy between contractions, knowing full
well this was going to be the best birthday of her life yet.

Daddy knew he couldn't leave Mommy anymore between contractions and
woke Nanay up so she could take over some of the preparations for
Baby who was clearly on the way. The stages of Mommy's labor had
been developing so quickly, instructions from the midwives seemed to
change after every new phone call… so much happening so quickly…
Mommy loved Daddy more and more and she danced and sang with Baby in
the tub, groaning and making all kinds of sounds. She turned the
water off, worrying the hot water might run out and Daddy covered
her in a towel to keep her warm.

All of a sudden, Mommy rocked onto her knees, rocked back into a
squat and felt down below to find little baby coming through,
underneath her. She felt him coming through slowly and
instinctively stood up as she rubbed around his head, praying she
wouldn't tear or that a cord wasn't wrapped around baby's neck and
Daddy asked Nanay for towels quickly to lay underneath Mommy.

The midwife was close but wasn't going to make it; baby was coming
and would be here in a matter of seconds.

Mommy bent her knees and, standing, Daddy right there with her… just
let baby slip out slowly – wow that DID burn but not for too long at
all.. Mommy could see the skin around baby's head thinning out in
her mind's eye. At first the head, he must have done his 90 degree
turn, and then slipped out the shoulders and out into Daddy's towel
and hands he came into our lives announcing his arrival with a sure
as sure cry.

The midwife heard all this on the phone and knew Baby and Mommy were
okay.

Baby quieted and Mommy held him. Nanay and Nico came in to see.
Nico was tentative at first, nervous and unable to announce the sex
of the baby as hoped, but smiled excitedly nonetheless. He seemed
curious, encouraged, stuck… he was waiting for confirmation that
this was all still good. Earlier, right before transition stage,
Nico woke up and rushed down to the bottom of the bed where Mommy
was crouched down with Daddy and encouraged Mommy so lovingly
to "Relax, just relax, Mommy. It's okay Mommy. You're going to be
okay". In exchange, between contractions, Mommy and Daddy excitedly
told Nico these noises Mommy was making were good noises, just as
they had previously discussed, because baby was coming and soon he
would be the big brother he couldn't wait to be after all these
months. Nico was excited! And then asked to watch tv… Mommy and
Daddy were relieved, as Nanay was asleep and Oma was not going to
make it to support him through this either.

So back to Baby…

The cord seemed shorter and thicker than Mommy thought it might
look. After the initial crying, he gurgled some with some coughing,
so he was lovingly turned to the side to let anything come out
naturally. She sat down on the tub floor with Baby and Daddy and
Nico and Nanay… within seven minutes or so, Vicky, the first
midwife to arrive, seemed to be there with everything she needed.
It was a peaceful introduction for everyone. Mommy and Daddy
welcomed her into their little bathroom to meet the little man…

Cole Sebastian was pink and quiet and peaceful. After a little
while, the cord stopped pulsing and Mommy's legs started getting
numb and cramping so they all managed to make it out into the
bedroom after the placenta was born. Nanay had excitedly cut the
cord in Oma's place.

Our dear friend Shane was there, moving in and out expertly
supporting us and caring for Nico. The midwives were both there at
this point and so peacefully cared for Mommy and Cole Sebastian.
Nanay expertly prepared Mommy's after labor meal and nurtured
everyone beautifully, making sure they all had something to eat and
drink. There was no rushing around. Nowhere but Mommy's bed to
relax into with just love and family and tenderness all around.
The bedroom was filled with good feelings, respect and support; the
little red house must have been pulsing with all the joy radiating
from within. Mommy was thrilled to be home sweet home with her new
Baby and her beautiful family.

At 5 lbs 12 oz and 20 inches, Cole Sebastian redefined the best
birthday experience Mommy had ever had. Born at 7:01am on Mommy's
and, coincidentally, the midwife Vicky's birthdays… Cole Sebastian
arrived into Mommy and Daddy's hands after just under three hours of
an intensely powerful labor.

This birth experience was more wonderful than Mommy and Daddy ever
imagined. Recovery was even better. The midwives recommended that
Mommy take the next two weeks to rest and stay home. Mommy needed
to recover and be taken care of, which is, collectively what family
did for the next few days and what Daddy did for the rest of the
time. Nanay stayed through the weekend and continued to care for
everyone, Bon Papa arrived that evening and joined Daddy and Nico at
the Danbury Fair, while the women of the house had a girls' night in
with Cole Sebastian. Oma spent the night as well, making sure Mommy
didn't push herself too hard and helped Mommy with Cole during the
night.

The following day Bon Papa helped Daddy mow the lawn, while Daddy
and Nico took a long trip to pick up Mommy's birthday patio set.
Uncle Vince, Aunt Emmy, Tio Anthony and Tia Jen arrived that
afternoon and helped set up the patio table, spend delicious time
playing with Nico in the yard and helping with the dishes. That
evening Lolo Ross and Lola Wilma came to visit as well and helped
make sure Nico was well fed and entertained and back to his routine
of brushing his teeth, reading some books and going back to sleep in
his big boy bed in his big boy room. They made a lovely breakfast
for everyone the following day.

Mommy says Cole is an easy baby so far and began to push herself a
little more than she should have and noticed the difference In the
way she felt after a few days; she wished she hadn't done so and
quickly toned her activities back down to taking naps with Cole,
spending some quality bath time with Nico and caring for herself and
the two boys, while Daddy took care of the rest.
Yes, the midwives were right about her needing time to rest and
recover. While Cole loved to sleep and barely made a peep, latching
on and nursing hadn't come easy for Cole and Mommy. Cole was quite
sleepy after his arrival and Mommy found it difficult to remember
all the little details of what it entailed to feed an infant vs.
Nico, the toddler. Oma worked with her on the nursing and so did
the midwives, when they returned to visit after the first and the
fourth day after Cole's birth.

Cole developed the normal jaundice after three days and needed lots
of sunlight and nursing sessions. Mommy had to wake up every two
hours to make sure he was getting enough milk and not sleeping
through. The midwives wanted to make sure his blood sugar level
didn't get too low which could lead to him becoming more and more
sleepy, less apt to eat, etc…

So, again, the midwives were right. Cole brought a new set of
lessons for Mommy… Nico's birth taught her that anything you set
out to do with true heartfelt intentions is entirely possible and
important to pursue with passion. Mommy could climb mountains after
Nico's pain medication free induced labor, almost three years back.
Cole's birth, with the lovingly short leash the midwives kept Mommy
on, taught Mommy that yes, while birthing women are strong and
powerful, it is wise for them to rest and recover both before and
after childbirth. Life is rushed enough. Childbirth is an
incredibly powerful event that should be honored as such with, as
had been the case for this very lucky family, love, respect, support
and care by family and friends in a warm and safe environment.

Mommy will remember forever the morning after Cole's birth… Daddy
and Bon Papa were making breakfast with Nico for everyone. Nanay
and Oma caring for Mommy, Nico and Cole. The rest of the family
arriving in those early days sealed the deal. Childbirth is a
family event. A beautiful and perfectly natural experience that
can make a woman and baby, when allowed to feel and experience their
bodies' natural instincts, feel safe, protected, strong and
deliciously Divine.

Thank you Cole Sebastian for another new beginning in all of our
lives…

~ ~ ~

Lala Nycks’ Wings

I want to tell you a story about Lala Nycks.

Lala Nycks had downy white feathers on its angel wings. They were soft as clouds could be. Skin even softer and hair softer still.

Lala Nycks watched over us. I’m not sure for how long. But one day Lala Nycks wanted more than watching over us from above. And more than that, Lala Nycks needed a place to rest its wings.

I took a few pregnancy tests on Labor Day weekend. I couldn’t contain my elation at the idea of number three! The pregnancy stick showed us we were going to have another baby! Four year old Nico was exuberant with joy and did a flying leap into my arms and performed many a lively dance afterwards. Fifteen month old Cole, ever so perfect the comic, sighed a small “Uh oh.” Erich, my husband dear Erich, held steadfast to the countertop and said, “It’s not so bad!” He was happy too.

Daily, we grew into Lala Nycks every bit as much as Lala Nycks grew into my belly. We talked about Lala Nycks often, checked daily as that little womb grew.

“Did my tummy grow today?” I would ask Nico.

“Yes, Mom, it grew a lot!” He would say this after patting, holding or hugging my tummy.

Lala Nycks took a trip to Colorado with us. We danced and danced together at Uncle Ed and Aunt Michelle’s wedding. Lala Nycks had never flown in a plane before.

One morning, Lala Nycks woke up suddenly from its comfortable rest and said, “My wings ! My wings! But what of my wings!”

My body began to cry. For a week it teared a little bit and I didn’t want to think much of it. One day it cried a little bit harder. And then one day it sobbed. A mother’s body knows when her angel baby is ready to fly.

The hospital was kind to us. Nico knew the morning we went to check Lala Nycks’ heartbeat that Lala Nycks might be a bit sick. He asked, “Will Lala go away… forever?” We thought about it and said we weren’t sure. Maybe. We talked about how Lala might not be ready to give up its wings. And, might want to go back up in the sky and go flying some more.

We were so grateful to know Lala Nycks for the eleven and a half weeks we did and that we got to keep this angelic cherub here on earth for the short time it needed its rest. Sometimes we are sad. Nico has said, “I wish Lala decided to be born down instead of up.” I knew exactly how he felt, if not more.

We talked about how some angels decide to be babies and some decide to stay angels for a little while longer.

We tried as best as we could to prepare for Lala Nycks’ take off from my body. Lala was getting rid of lots of stuff from my belly that it didn’t need on its journey. Nico wanted me to take a bath with him and Cole that night. We decided, no, that Lala Nycks had lots more unpacking to do from my belly. “Why Mommy?” “Because Lala’s getting ready.” This really got Nico quite excited! “Dad”, he shouted, dancing, as always, “Lala’s getting ready to grow its wings! Lala’s going to go to Heaven soon!”

Early that morning Lala Nycks was born. I was so grateful to meet Lala Nycks. I held our little angel, my baby, in my hand. So tiny. We will hold that picture of Lala Nycks forever. Nico wanted to meet Lala Nycks and so he did. He determined what he met was the inside of Lala Nycks’ body. The rest of its body, of course, was invisible now and off flying high with its beautiful downy wings.

We held a little memorial for our little angel when the sun came up.

Lala Nycks knows we are near. What’s more, we know Lala Nycks is flying high and nearby. And, when Lala Nycks and Mommy’s body are both ready, we’ll meet again. And this time, Lala Nycks will be ready to retire those wings. At least, not pick them back up until after a long and wonderful life on earth here with us. In the meantime, Lala Nycks can rest upon those soft as can be downy wings. Perhaps they will have a chance to grow as much as we have and will from this.

“Good night, sleep tight, no more talking tonight. Lala baby is in its bed, laying down it’s angel head…”

Nico sang this song the night before Lala Nycks was born. It’s a modification of a song we sing to Nico and Cole every night.

Children, at all ages, teach us so many things. Surprisingly, they teach us too how to be strong. These angels, perhaps, always stay angels after all… wings or no wings.